24 Years together - Battles Fought, Lost and Won!

On the 22 September, Darrell and I reached another milestone in our relationship. Sunday marked our 24th Anniversary; another year had passed and although our situation is not ideal, we are still very committed and happy, looking forward to our Silver Anniversary next year. As usual, we received many messages from friends and family, in support of our relationship that has stood the test of time, experiencing the ups and downs all of us endure as we forge a path together. Our 24 years together was yet another vindication of our love and of a partnership that wasn’t always accepted by others.

Of course Darrell and I got together in a very different age. Our relationship wasn’t recognised in law and we spent many years travelling between Darrell’s home in Australia and my home in the UK, in order to be allowed to stay together. It wasn’t until the Government changed in Britain, in 1997, that our life finally began to evolve for the better, The new British Government finally accepted our same sex relationship and we were allowed to settle in the UK.

In 1998 we had a ‘Rite of Blessing’ carried out by a Church of England priest at the Quaker Hall in Southampton, cementing our love for one another in the company of friends and family. At the time, there was no mechanism in law to register or record our partnership and the ‘Rite of Blessing’ was the best alternative under the circumstances. We used the occasion to express our frustration and annoyance at not being allowed legal status, as well as showing others that our love was as valid as any other relationship, gay or straight.

It was another two years before Darrell was granted Indefinite Leave to Remain and we could really begin our life with each other, five years after we met. The legal battles in court and at the Home Office had taken its toll on us both and with the threat of deportation lifted, we could at least look forward to a brighter future. It would be many more years before we could achieve equal status with our straight friends and neighbours, but we could at least live unhindered, unrestrained from draconian laws that were designed to keep us apart.

In 2015 twenty years after we met, we were married in Southampton. We were finally allowed equal Marriage rights and able to celebrate our association with one another; a mile stone we had been looking forward to since the day we met. Up until this point we had rarely spent anytime apart, always fighting hard to stay together, even in the face of adversity, but things were about to change as we both made the leap to a new life, living in Spain, after a traumatic time in the UK. What was supposed to be a new start, turned into yet more trouble, hardship and misfortune, as both of us navigated a system we knew nothing about, doing our best to remain steadfast as a couple.

Our three years in Spain and the year and a half years since has been marred by family illness, the loss of our home and more positively, a reconnection with loved ones. Since 2015, Darrell and I have spent more time living apart, caring for our respective Mothers, than we did in the previous twenty years. As we grew older, so have our families and with my roots firmly in the UK and Darrell’s in Australia, we both made the conscious decision to return to our countries of birth and be with those closest at this difficult time. Darrell remains in Perth, caring for his Mum, during her final months dealing with cancer and I am home, living with my Aunt, close to my Mother as she learns to deal with her disablement. Eventually we will come back together again, when our lives allow us to and our circumstances change for the better!

A big thank you to everyone for their kind messages of support on the occasion of our 24th anniversary. Without all of you, life would have been far more difficult than it has been. Darrell and I look forward to many more years together, whether here or abroad and hope to finally be able to spend the rest of our days, happy and content, surrounded by those closest, satisfied in the knowledge that we remain committed and content together, after a generation of battles are finally laid to rest!

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