My Coming Out Story - Daniel Wakelin!

Hello Everyone - My name is Dan Gates. I’m 27 years Old from Portsmouth, And this is my coming out story. I thought I’d tell you my coming out story, in the hope that readers will find this helpful and insightful

Where shall we begin? Let’s start from the beginning shall we.

I was born on the 4th of August 1993, My mother was 18 years old when she gave birth to me. At the time she lived with her parents (My grandparents) Because of how young my mother was, I’ve always felt like we have had more of a Brother/Sister kind of bond, than an actual Mother/Son kind of relationship. My grandparents have always been my mum and dad in my eyes, as I’d often stay with them when my mother had to work.

When I was 2 years old, my mother managed to get a place of her own, so we then moved into that. We moved to Paulsgrove … A road called Meadowsweet Way. At the time we had moved in, The road was brand new with new houses and new families moving in, where at the time a lot of the children were the same age as me.

Growing up in our road was incredible, Because all the children were the same age as me; you’d often find us on our bikes riding up and down the street, going round each other’s for dinner and having sleepovers. Our mothers were also friends as well and most of us in our road went to the same primary school as each other; so we were a pretty tight community. Everyone knew each other well and would look out for one another; it was pretty special.

As time passed, and I was getting older, I started to feel a little different to the other children, as I’d often noticed my friendship circles were female. My mother would often sign me up for things such as football and karate and I’d be against it because it wasn’t my kind of thing. I’d just be happy spending time with the girls and I always felt like I was one of them. I was very emotional as a child; most of the boys were playing football and being rough with each other, where I wasn’t like that at all, I wasn’t your typical stereotype boy.

I often found I was more attracted to guys growing up, like I’d often look at females as friends but would never feel anything more than that. I did have a few girlfriends growing up, but they were never anything serious & they never lasted long because I just saw them as friends and struggled to see them as anything more. I had a friend at school called Marc, Me and him were very close and very flirty with each other … He was one of my first male friends.

Marc was a few years older than me. I remember a time when I went back to his, and we had a lovely day in the house together, messing around and just having a laugh, and I remember getting so flirty to him that we both kissed.

I remember at the time being shocked and scared at what I had done, but the more I kept thinking about the kiss, the more right it had felt & I wanted to do it with him more and more. A few days after the kiss, I told my female friends about it, They were also very shocked by it, yet they were so supportive. They handled it so brilliantly and were just wonderful about the whole thing, I remember having a conversation with my friends telling them how I felt about that kiss and how I felt about guys in general, and it soon came clear that I was Gay.

I was 13 years old when I had made that discovery, 13 was often the age. Teens would start to experiment and find out who they are. It was when puberty was beginning and sex education was taught on a regular basis preparing us for adulthood.

Because my friends were so accepting, I thought sooner or later I’d have to come out to my family, To me this was a very daunting & a scary thought. As my mother was very closed-minded & my grandparents were very old-fashioned, as being gay back in their day was illegal. She kept signing me up for things, trying to shape me into the person I didn’t want to be. Over & over I kept thinking on the best approach to tell her by not telling her exactly, because of the close community in our road. I started telling more and more of my friends and soon word had got around and my friends had even told their parents; word soon got back to my mother.

I remember coming home from school one day, My mother sitting me down looking somewhat disappointed. The first words that came from her mouth were “Is it true ?”

When my mother asked me that question, I knew things wouldn’t go well. I knew that not because of her anger from finding out from someone else, but because she just wasn’t someone I could approach with anything. My mother had a short fuse she’d fly off the handle at the smallest of things.

She then went on to say how she always had a feeling I would be; how she wasn’t happy about the idea of her son being with another boy & how it was wrong, as we have never had someone gay in our family before. She also went with the stereotype of: 'because I used to hang around with females & how I’d love to do dance, music and various other things that would make me Gay,' which in my opinion is a lot of Shhhhh …

The tension was so awful after that conversation, that it was very clear it was no longer safe for me to be living in that environment, I then decided to move in with my grandparents. My grandparents also found out I was Gay, because my mother had told them. They were OK with it, but they never wanted me to speak about my sexuality or relationships. Even at the age of 27, it still isn’t something that’s spoken about with my mum or grandparents.

Coming out was awful for me, because the people who you think would stand by you and accept you for who you are, let me down. It’s most probably the reason that I have had issues with relationships during my life, It’s most probably the reason why I do find it hard to be with someone, Because love has let me down.

When I think about my coming out experience now, the question I ask myself is would I do it again, Would I do anything different ? The answer is No I wouldn’t change the way I did it. Yes my mother did find out from someone else, but she was never open-minded or approachable in the first place.

Coming out was also a good thing for me, because there were people who stood by me such as my friends and at the age of 27 years old, I’m living my best life.

I don’t live with family any more, I can do what I like and kiss the people I want to, without judgement from others.

Life as a Gay Man in 2021 is incredible, you’ll often hear more and more people coming out and being accepted for who they are. Pride is so openly celebrated, you’ll often see brands sporting the pride flag on pride month. Our LGBT History/Community is growing and becoming more positive and I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us all.

Pride is an event that I do hold in my heart because it reminds me of how lucky I am to be loved and accepted by my friends and even though I had a bad experience, it also shaped me into the person I want to be. It taught me to love, accept and embrace the person I am, stand tall and be proud of how far I've come to be that person.

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