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Am I really the most anxious gay in the World?

28/9/2024

I try to do things to ease my anxiety, just to take the edge off the way I'm feeling. Escaping to the city, is one of those rare occasions, that helps me to relax. This huge metropolis, full of tall, imposing buildings, is actually a great place to unwind. The streets are almost always empty, and unlike London, I don't feel stressed walking around. Perth may well be the capital city of Western Australia, but it is actually one of the most isolated cities in the World. Consequently, it has a village vibe — small and intimate in nature and generally devoid of people, and the inevitable anti-social behaviour that tends to follow. After two years away from the UK, it almost, yes, almost, feels like home!

In this week's vlog, I'm talking about anxiety, and how it affects my life on a daily basis. From the physical to the mental symptoms, the feelings are very real, even if they are mostly benign in nature. I have suffered from this debilitating condition for as long as I can remember. I must stress, that this video is not about solutions to anxiety, because I really don't have any. Furthermore, I am only now learning about the science behind it, so I don't expect a quick fix anytime soon.

What this vlog aims to do, is show others that you aren't alone, there are people, like me, out there, who also suffer from anxious feelings. Maybe you can relate to some of the difficulties I have shared, or maybe you can offer me solutions and answers for why I feel the way I do.

Problem sharing is a great way to deal with often complex health issues, that have no easy cure. Just because I don't show outward physical signs of illness, it doesn't mean there isn't anything bubbling under the surface. It is true to say, I am not suffering from a painful life limiting condition, or a disease that I have to physically manage on a daily basis. I am, however, learning to cope with an unseen, hidden disorder, that manifests in many different ways.

Defining how I feel is often hard, I can't always describe my state of mind, and that in itself causes concern. With self-help, care, and a blossoming ability to seek out answers, I hope to begin the process of recovering sufficiently, to lead a happy, normal life. This is of course a learning curve. The anxiety I feel changes daily and until I understand the processes at work, that make me who I am, I will continue to muddle through as best I can… What else can I do?

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29th Anniversary — The challenges of a gay relationship, from opposite sides of the World!

22/9/2024

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Today, we are celebrating our 29th Wedding Anniversary — a life sentence by anyone's standards. After another exhausting year, we are still together, still going strong, and above all, still striving for a better future.

From its very inception, our relationship was tested to its limits. We have both been on a rollercoaster ride of emotions, as we navigated the ups and downs of married life. Of course, our time together hasn't been conventional in any sense of the word. When you fall in love with someone overseas, you become part of a system that seeks only to keep you apart.

As a same-sex couple, who met in 1995, we were under no illusions about the difficulties we would face. Homosexual relationships, such as ours, were not recognised in law, and we fought hard to avoid separation, finally being allowed to stay together in The UK in 2000.

Today is about celebrating another important milestone in our life, as partners together, and, as we look forward to our 30th anniversary next year, we are mindful of the challenges still to come. In two years time, I will finally become an Australian citizen and for the first time in our life as a couple, we can both relax, taking a huge sigh of relief. Knowing the legal constraints that have literally kept us on our toes, all these years, have been lifted, and our life has become 'normal again' (the first time in over 30 years), will be a weight lifted. No longer checked at every twist and turn, just allowed to settle down together, and become the couple we have always dreamt of being!

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What it means, to be British living abroad!

14/9/2024

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After a walk to Woodbridge Lake yesterday morning, I was left, with memories of Britain very much in the forefront of my mind. It doesn't take much to trigger a memory, from my time living in the UK, and the lake does particularly remind me of home — so much so, I can almost taste the English country air.

Spring has sprung in Western Australia — the sites and smells of this rather short season, down under, plays beautifully with the senses. Woodbridge has a distinctly British feel, and reminds me of lazy days spent in the Forest of Bere on the south coast of England, near Winchester in Hampshire. Woodbridge is my go-to place when I am feeling homesick. It conjures up so many recollections, that have become far more important, since moving to the other side of the World.

My life today is very much Australian. As I approach my two-year anniversary, living in Perth, I no longer give my new incarnation another thought. When I am home, however, I do catch up with life in The UK, as much as I can. The Mother country still has a special place in my heart, and the Anglophile in me, certainly needs a daily dose of Britain on the box.

There is a huge contingent of UK Expats living here, more than any other state, percentage wise, so I am not alone in my reminiscences. Mine may well be a little fresher than others, with most of the Expats I have met, having lived here thirty years or more. Nevertheless, all of us have one thing in common, a fondness for the country where we grew up. It really doesn't matter where I live in The World, I will always be British, and that is something I am very proud of.

Today, in a homage to home, I am talking briefly about all things British, as well as reflecting on the past week. It is comforting to recall special moments in my life, carrying them along with me, to the far side of the globe. Wherever you are from, don't be afraid to celebrate your nationality, your personality, your ancestry, and birth rite. There are the genes that make you who you are, and environmental factors which determine your identity. All of us need to know our roots, and be content with the life we once led, and the new life we lead today. It is important to remain connected to all those who played a part in our life, not forgetting the contribution everyone made. Being content with current choices and direction; being adaptable to change, and being aware of the road you are travelling, will ultimately, almost certainly, define the person you are. In the end we are here for but a short time, so enjoy the nest you have made for yourself and the mountain you continue to climb!

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Nyaania Creek and Waterfall!

8/9/2024

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Last Monday, we took another morning walk, this time at Nyaania Creek, here in the Swan Valley in Western Australia. The area is only about a fifteen-minute drive from our house, and is stunningly beautiful. It is rugged, rocky in nature, and slowly springing to life, after what has been officially one of the wettest winters in years.

With my IBS really playing up at the moment, I do find walking is an amazing tonic to helping with the pain. It is true to say that I do more walking today, in my fifties, than I have ever done in my life, and strangely, to many people I know, I am actually enjoying it.

Most people who have known me, for many years, understand just how much I detest physical exercise. My aversion to it, really goes back to my time at school and my avoidance of PE lessons. This shouldn't really be a surprise to anyone — I was, after all, the dumpy, fat kid, who was always picked last in sports. I suppose that was part of the reason I became the person I was. Anxiety ridden, full of resentment and bitterness, I continued in similar vein, avoiding all forms of exercise, until today.

Despite enjoying the walking, the amount I do weekly, has slowed somewhat. Work commitments have overtaken my leisure time, and despite having quite an active job, I have noticed aches and pains gradually creeping back, normally kept at bay with physical activity and walking everywhere I go. At 53 years old, I am well aware of the importance of keeping fit and my weight under control. Luckily for me, my weight is stable, and I have stayed within a normal range for four years. I wouldn't say I have conquered my love hate relationship with weight loss and dieting, but I have learnt to control it and look after myself, in a healthy and lasting way.

There is much to explore in Western Australia, let alone Australia itself; with our holidays spent in Asia, we are both aware of how little time we have to spend right here, where we live, especially in The Swan Valley. Part of adjusting to our new life, down under, is about exploring the diverse landscapes, that make up this unique continent. Next week we will be walking somewhere else, and, rather like I did when I lived in Portsmouth, I will be discovering the hidden places that make up one of the most isolated states in the World. It certainly has been a hard journey, getting to where we are today, but the future is looking rosy and I am beginning to enjoy my new life in Australia; warts and all!

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Chatting About My Childhood - Growing up in Fareham!

8/9/2024

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Smoking - Addicted from an early age!

1/9/2024

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A few farewell drinks for a colleague, has brought back memories of a rebellious teenagehood and surviving in an ever-evolving World. So much has changed since that first cigarette aged thirteen, in the old pig sty, in the forest, at the end of Fareham Park Road; I can barely remember, why I began smoking in the first place. Whatever the reasons, it became such a big part of my life, that it will likely affect me until the day I die.

It's funny to think, that a small white stick, that I believed to be an innocent tool to relieve anxiety, was in fact a highly addictive, poisonous vice, that I should have never taken up in the first place. Of course, I am the only person to blame for that; I was the one who started thirty-three years of smoking, and I was the only one who could stop it.

One of my biggest regrets in life, was starting to smoke in the first place, but without It, I wouldn't have met the people I did, socialised with confidence, and enjoyed the perceived freedom it gave me. That cigarette did initially represent my rebellious nature, and a desire to act in a way my parents disapproved of; in the end, however, it became a millstone, and a catalyst for the health anxiety I suffer with today.

I do wish I had never started my love affair with the dreaded cancer stick, but I did — it is a part of who I am, and I can't change that. Like most things I did in life, I have no regrets; if I hadn't taken up smoking, I probably would have led a very different life. The lifestyle choices I made as I grew up, went to college and university, are a direct response to my love of smoking. Yes it was love at first puff and here began the story of my life.

First and foremost, I smoked to relieve the pressure of school, while I came to terms with my sexuality. At the time, the dreaded Section 28, prevented me from seeking help and advice, whilst coming to terms with my emerging homosexuality, and anything that helped me relax was welcome. Cigarettes allowed me to take my mind off a highly stressful period, dominated by the AIDS epidemic and my own fears for the future.

From dance clubs in the 90s, after parties with new friends, long smoke filled flights with my partner to Australia (Well it was the 90s), cigarettes were there in my man bag, as a crutch to get me through the trauma of life. Despite the health implications, that I became aware of, the older I got, I continued to smoke more cigarettes, up to eighty a day at one stage. At thirty years old, I was a walking heart attack and I longed for the day, I could finally stub out my last fag.

Well to cut a long story short, today I am smoke-free since 2018, and will never again let another cigarette cross my lips. After thirty plus years of smoking, I know the damage I have caused, and the future implications of my actions, but for now, I am healthy enough and able to live a full life. My advice to anyone still smoking, is give up. Anything Governments can do to prevent people from smoking or vaping in the first place, is welcome. Eventually there needs to be a ban, so no one again has to suffer the pain of disease through smoking. Anything we can do to hurry that process along is welcome — rather than ignoring the facts around smoking related disease, we should educate ourselves, and finally, bin the fag once and for all; it's the right thing to do!

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From a new life in spain, to an old life in britain, 'roaming brit' documents uncertain times!

Am I really the most anxious gay in the World?

29th Anniversary — The challenges of a gay relationship, from opposite sides of the World!

What it means, to be British living abroad!

Nyaania Creek and Waterfall!

Chatting About My Childhood - Growing up in Fareham!

Smoking - Addicted from an early age!

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