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A Tale of Four Countries!

30/5/2025

Today, as part of a series of blogs, celebrating mine and Darrell 30 years together, I am writing about the attachment we both have, to various adopted homes across the World. Darrell and I have done a lot of travelling since we met in 1995 and have lived in a good few places, both in the UK and further afield. You won't be surprised to hear, we have built many emotional attachments to various countries, during our 30-year relationship. We have lived in the UK, Spain and Australia and even brought a house in France. We were both born to travel, and that will never change, no matter where we are in the World.

Currently based in Australia, I think it's safe to say we both yearn for Europe. When we bought our house in France, back in the early 2000s, we both had a dream to live on the continent. Buying a small stone cottage, in the village of Le Lande St Simeon, in Swiss Normandy, meant we finally had a foothold in Europe. Of course back then, we had no idea where we really wanted to be, so bought our house, site unseen, in the hope it would become our forever home. At the time, thousands of Brits were buying up property, especially in France, and we didn't want to miss the bus, so to speak. A small house in France, was a big step on our journey together and the beginning of a love affair, that is still very much alive today.

2000 - 2004 was a productive time for both of us, running our own business in Salisbury. Our time was valuable, and although we travelled to France once a month, our commitments prevented us from taking our French dream any further. Instead, we bought a holiday home up north in the UK and another house to rent out, not too far from our new home in Lancashire. Eventually, we made the difficult decision to sell the French house and concentrate on setting up our life together in the UK. Despite this, our European dream was still there and both of us longed for a new life away from Britain.

Nearly fifteen years after we bought our house in France, we finally realised our dream once again. After our marriage in 2015, we packed our bags and left the UK, heading to Gran Alacant on the Costa Blanca and a new adventure in Alicante. This was a place we could finally call home, and we both fell in love with this little urbanization, just fifteen minutes from Alicante Airport. We had finally found somewhere we both loved and began planning for a future in Spain. Of course, it had its ups and downs, but this was what we both wanted and were determined to make this new journey work for the both of us!

Unforeseen circumstances changed our whole outlook on Spain, just a few months after we arrived. Although we loved everything about our life in Gran Alacant, it just wasn't to be. When I look back now, I am sad we didn't fight harder to stay. At the point we both finally felt settled, both our respective parents fell ill, Brexit became law, and worst of all, the Pandemic hit the World. We probably could have fought harder, but it wasn't a battle either of us were prepared to undertake. After a little over two years, we left — Darrell to Australia and me back to The UK.

My time back in Portsmouth with family was special. I made so many good friends in the four years I lived there, and that's all that mattered. It didn't end well family wise, but the lifelong relationships with people I worked with, has become a great source of comfort living in Australia. We really did make some fabulous memories to take with us, and I will always look back at my time working at Tesco, with immense fondness. Of all the companies I have worked for, over the years in the UK, Tesco has been the best, without exception. At my time of life, it is important to have memories and a sense of satisfaction. Money is no longer critical and my time living back home in Pompey, showed me how valuable friends are!

When Darrell returned from Australia, after his Mother's condition became manageable, we both planned to settle down in The UK once again. We both had jobs we loved, working with people we adored, and at the time, were extremely content with the family bonds we had. I say had, because that changed in the blink of an eye, our fate literally changed overnight; a row between us and my Cousins got out of control and Darrell and I made the decision, to leave the UK for good.

My family, no matter how much I love them, have always been rather fractured; that is true on my paternal and maternal side. It was no surprise when boiling tensions came to a head one evening at my Aunts house. I felt rejected and cast aside, but that is the nature of my family. One minute your face fits, the next it doesn't. I was never truly allowed to have an opinion living at my Aunts, and Darrell and I never really had the privacy we needed. So in many respects what transpired was good and forced us to finally make the decision to move to Australia, no matter how reluctant I had been, to move here over the years.

Mine and Darrell's life has always been a rollercoaster ride. We have had great productive periods, like when we lived and ran a business and Salisbury, but in the main it has never been stable. When you marry someone from a different continent, life will never be the easy ride your peers enjoy, although they may of course disagree.

Having lived in Australia for three years now, we are finally doing the best we ever have and achieving everything we have ever wanted. We bought a new house and car, we both have fantastic jobs we love, and we can afford to travel whenever we want. In Western Australia, we don't want for anything. If we had moved here years ago, I think both our lives would be very different today, but we didn't, and we struggled as a result.

Despite the success we now enjoy, neither of us are fully content with our life down under. People here are not as welcoming as those in Spain or The UK, and although we have a very close network of friends, who we value immensely, we don't have the integrated structure we had living in Europe. That does make for a very lonely existence if I am perfectly honest, and both of us really do look back at our previous life with envy.

We are well aware of where we are better off, however. For the next ten years at least, we will be living here, working hard to pay the bills, accumulating enough money for the next stage of our adventures. In retirement, we will probably not be living in Australia. It seems likely we will rent out our house here in WA and live a more frugal existence in Asia. Initially Spain would have been top of our list once again, but with uncertainty on the continent and geopolitics playing its part, I think we would prefer a more balanced, anchored life, in Thailand or Vietnam.

We will have many more options available, once the house is paid off, and until then we will just continue to strive for a better retirement. Neither of us knows what will happen down the road, but we can at least plan for every eventuality. We will never be multi-millionaires or indeed well off, but we will always be able to survive in circumstances, where others would simply fail. This journey has taught us much about the meaning of life and at 54 years old, it isn't over yet. Despite everything, despite the way we feel and despite the challenges ahead, both of us are looking forward to a productive future and the beginning of the final chapter in our partnership together!

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Remembering Giles

25/5/2025

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This week has been another challenging one, as I discovered yet another friend had passed away back in the UK. Giles, had been a friend for about twenty years and once again, I am totally devastated at losing yet another person in my life. Coming so soon after, I discovered my dear friend Myra had died, a little over a month ago, I am wondering what will happen next!

Despite only finding out Giles passed away just a few days ago, I discovered he actually died last year. I had been so busy and preoccupied with building a new life down under, that I hadn't spoken to Giles, in a year and a half. Awful isn't it; I had literally been too busy to care, and I couldn't feel more guilty. In truth, this was the relationship Giles and I had; we would sometimes not chat for long periods of time, but when we did, we just picked up from where we last left off!

A few nights ago, I had a dream about Giles and immediately woke up in a cold sweat. That doesn't happen too often, so I knew I had to check his social media, to make sure he was OK. As soon as I was fully awake, I started to scroll through his Facebook page. At first, all seemed well; there were the usual Birthday messages from friends, but I soon realised, these were no ordinary messages of congratulations, these were tokens of affection from friends and family, remembering Giles on his Birthday. For a moment, I just laid there in bed, mouth open wide, in shock. It couldn't quite believe Giles had gone. I was immediately overcome with guilt, realising I had missed his passing. Aghast, I was literally overcome with emotion, as happens all too frequently these days.

Since moving to Australia, I have become so wrapped up in my own life, that my dearest, closest friends, have taken a back seat. It was a horrible feeling, thinking, maybe, I could have been there or done something to help. Sadly, I have no idea how or why Giles died, and I really don't think it is appropriate to delve further into the whys and wherefores of it. It won't do me any good to know what happened, and it certainly won't bring Giles back. I just need to remember him as he was and concentrate my efforts on reconnecting with others, who I haven't seen or heard from in a while.

Giles was always there, especially at the most difficult times in my life. Giles, or 'Barge Queen' as I knew him, was a wealth of knowledge and experience and always gave me advice when I needed it. Without him, my life would have been so much poorer.

A former drag artist and costume designer and creator, Giles worked with many celebrities over the years. He often wrote for my blog, especially at Christmas, detailing his designs for the latest pantomime he was a part of. His social media was always a positive happy place — full of happy, wonderful, smiling photos of him and the people he worked with. He would frequently tell me stories that would make your hair stand on end, but was a huge part of our friendship together and always made me laugh. His routine was so far removed from my own, that his pantomime tales were always a welcome break from my own trivialities of life and of course, a big part of who Giles was!

Giles was proud of whom he had become, and I admired him greatly, for his amazing sense of humour and ability to make you feel good about yourself, even during the darkest of days. Not only did he write for my blog at Christmas, but he also took part in 'Photographs of Hope', during the pandemic, when readers of Roaming Brit, send in photos of 'things' that gave them hope for the future,

It was always a joy being around Giles. I last saw him in 2022, when he visited me at the pub where I was working in Portsmouth. He was down working at The King's Theatre in Portsmouth, a place he loved with all his heart. Despite living in St Helen's, he, like me, was a Portsmouth boy, born and bred and never forgot his roots, always relishing a return to The Kings at Christmas.

This is of course another sad farewell to a beautiful soul, who is no longer here. It is difficult believing he has actually gone. Seeing him in my dream a few nights ago, was a sign from him to me, that I truly believe, no matter what others may say. This is also a time for me to reflect on the unique character, who was a part of my life for so long and remember the amazing friendship we had, even if it was mostly from a distance. Giles will always remain in my heart as a friend like no other and, like all those I have lost over the years, I will make sure he lives on in the memories of all of those who knew him. Goodnight my lovely, you will always be in my thoughts!

Click above to take you to Giles' Photographs of Hope entry, from April 2020!

Giles and actress Sue Pollard

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Toxic People and Insomnia!

18/5/2025

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Well, as I'm sure you are aware by now, this week's blog, is about toxic people, a subject I have plenty of knowledge about, after working for the most toxic charity in the United Kingdom, for eight, long, years. If I am perfectly honest, I am sat here exhausted and feeling particularly debilitated. No, not because of my job, but because of 'TOXIC PEOPLE' who have made my life a misery this week. I am so thankful it is the weekend right now, and I am able to recharge, after such a horrible seven days. Sometimes, I think I am too old for having opinions and speaking my mind — maybe it is time, to just settle down and live a peaceful life?

Every Sunday, I like to blog; this is the moment I can really sit down, think about the ups and downs of the past week and finally relax. Since an altercation with several people online, I haven't been on social media and so far I don't have a desire too. To think, the way I am feeling now, is all because of a complimentary comment I made towards, a rather famous comedian, after commenting on how wonderful they looked. Usually this would be an acceptable way of expressing one's thoughts towards another human being, but because this comedian is transsexual, I have experienced a crescendo of abuse, like you wouldn't believe.

I was attacked verbally online by a person I do not know, much else, ever met. They decided to stalk me across all my social media pages, and describe in graphic detail, how I should be strung up and publically hung in the street. This individual said plenty more that is unprintable and would go against my contract with Google, if I mentioned it today, so I won't. That person caused me enough pain and upset, without Google cancelling my account as well.

The person in question was a Reform Party supporter; it was emblazoned across his social media page. In his words, when Reform wins the next election, people like me will be dealt with. As a gay man, who grew up in the 1970s and 80s, I am well aware of what discrimination is and feels like. Darrell and I have been discriminated against all our lives, and I really thought the World had changed. Clearly, from the tone and behaviour of this far right supporter, nothing could be further from the truth, and I still feel shocked to the core at the language he used.

After thinking about it, I responded to his diatribe, by sharing a post about Reform. I suppose it was to make me feel better and just get the anger off my chest. I literally thought nothing more about it, until several friends also started to verbally assault me for posting it. One of those has been a friend for over thirty years, and we both are polar opposites politically, so I accept his comments, as I always did in the past. His friendship is far too important to me to do anything else. The observations he made were neither offensive, nor over the top, and certainly didn't cause me any upset. The other guy, however, was a volunteer, who I employed whilst working for Oxfam — I have no such loyalty or attachment towards him, and am totally flabbergasted by his outburst.

There wasn't an ounce of empathy, and he couldn't care less about my feelings. There was no understanding at all. His behaviour was pure toxicity, and I was in no mood to take any of it. I replied several times, when I decided to just block him and get on with the rest of my life. Judging by previous experience, this is the only was to deal with someone like that.

Trying to put this kind of thing to the back of my mind, can be difficult for an insomniac like me. Over the last few years, my sleeping patterns have gotten steadily worse. Some nights I only have 4 hours sleep, others a bit more. I sleep a maximum of six hours, and I am wide awake at 4am every day, ready to start the day. Believe me, I have tried everything to solve this, but to no avail. Today, I just live with it and hope it gets better.

I strongly believe, my insomnia is a result of the severe anxiety I suffer with. I no longer wear my Fitbit to bed to monitor my sleep, as I believe it has made my sleep anxiety worse. I have also started to switch my phone off several hours before sleeping and make sure the bedroom is as dark as possible. Luckily, Darrell and I have a three-bedroom house and I can sleep alone when absolutely necessary, which helps us both in the long run.

As a nervous individual I do not cope with anxiety and stress very well, so when anything happens, that upsets my wellbeing and sense of balance, I can not sleep at all. What happened this week has just tired me out. I know I should learn to ignore the haters, but I do have a voice and an opinion, which I am entitled to express. No one should try to silence anyone. I believe in mutual respect and understanding and would never attack someone for their views.

After this blog today, offloading all the hate, I will not mention this incident again. The therapeutic nature of blogging is such, that I will never need to. I can, however, look back at this entry in a few months time and hopefully learn from the hurtful comments, growing stronger because of it. Yes, at 54 years old, I am still learning and will always continue to, until the day I die. I like to think I am better than all the hateful people in the World, especially at the moment, and look forward to a time, when we can all live together in peace and harmony once again… Until then, I guess there will be many more episodes like this, but each one is a reminder to do better, strive for more meaningful friendships and above all, rise above the fray!

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Goodbye Aunty My!

11/5/2025

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Today has been filled with mixed emotions, as I heard of the death of one of my dearest friends from the UK. Aunty My, as I called her, was a lady I had known for about twenty-five years and someone I loved with all my heart. After reposting a photo of me, Myra, and her sister Jean, on Facebook, I was informed that Myra passed away at the end of March. I was totally devastated and upset — this was a lady who I regarded as family, along with her sister Jean. She was a friend with a heart of gold, who I can't believe has left this mortal coil.

I have lost count of the number of people who have died, while Darrell and I have been living abroad. Sometimes it feels that everyone who has ever been close to us, are no longer here; the passing of friends, no matter how close, never fails to pull at my heart strings. Aunty My was a wonderful lady, who I had some truly wonderful times with, We would often go out on the lash, (an English saying for going out to get drunk), ending up in a curry house or club afterwards. I have so many happy memories of her and all of us together, that I just don't know where to begin, but begin I will. She deserves to be remembered, as one of the most caring and supportive people you could ever wish to have in your life, and that was so important to me, especially in recent years.

I suppose when I was younger, I was somewhat of a social butterfly, unlike today. Darrell and I would frequently throw large, lavish fancy dress parties in our house in Southampton. So many friends and family would come, dressed in fabulous costumes — we would party the night away, until the early hours; happy times filled with laughter, music and over the top camp partying. Myra and her sister Jean would always be there celebrating landmark Birthdays, royal weddings and anniversaries. All of my memories from twenty years ago, include Aunty My — in all but name, she was family and a huge part of my life.

As my life changed and Darrell and I moved away to Spain, Aunty Myra, was still there, messaging, chatting, and always sending her love. Not long after we moved to our new house in Gran Alacant, I recall receiving a message from Myra and Jean, who were at Alicante Airport. If I remember rightly, there had been a problem with their booking at a hotel in Benidorm, not too far from where we lived. Myra asked if they could crash for a few days while they sorted out somewhere to stay — well, of course, how could I say no. I was delighted they were coming my way!

Seeing them both turn up in a taxi outside our Spanish casa, was an absolute joy; I was so glad to see these two friends, so rooted in the story of my life, waving outside. After the traumatic circumstances, that brought us to Gran Alacant, nearly ten years ago now, It was so good to see friendly faces. I spent five wonderful days with My and Jean, at a time when I needed it most.

In 2018 my time in Spain came to an end, as Darrell and I separated to be with our respective Mothers. My Mother and Darrell's Mum were seriously ill, and the only thing we could do was leave our dream home and, in my case, be close to Mum during her final days. It was a sad ending to our deeply personal journey, to a new life in Gran Alacant, that we haven't fully recovered from, even today.

It was a frantic time, as I tried to sort out somewhere to stay in the UK on my return. Aunty Myra immediately stepped up, saying I could stay for as long as I wanted. Towards the end of May, after an emotional farewell to friends in Spain, I arrived at Myra's. There was a massive hug and a home cooked meal on the table — I truly felt happy, content and thankful to be with someone, who always made me feel welcome.

From Myra's I moved on to my Aunty's in Portsmouth; all the while we kept in contact, never losing that connection we had built up over many years. She was a real support during some difficult days. While Darrell remained in Australia caring for his Mum, I was so glad she was at the end of a phone.

In 2020 the Pandemic took hold, and the World shut down. This was the most difficult time in my life. Darrell was locked down in Australia, and I was locked down in the UK. Alone, I reached out to Myra, and throughout the duration of COVID-19 we spoke every single week. I knew then just how sick Myra was. She had COPD, and I could tell how each phone call, would be more difficult than the last. She insisted I kept phoning, however, and not to stop. We talked about everything, from the Pandemic and the emergency packages she received every couple of days from a local charity, her beautiful family, and the memories we both shared. This was someone who was fighting harder and harder, and I encouraged her to be positive, happy, and always look to the future — God knows she tried, bless her!

The last time I heard from Myra was at Christmas, as I did every year, receiving her neatly written card. This was a security blanket for me at least. This card was a link to my past that was no longer there, and I bloody missed it, and her, her sister Jean, and the great, memorable times we had together. I can't tell you the amount of times, I just wanted to go back to what was the happiest time in my life. However, having a little piece of Myra here with me in Australia, was just enough to jog my memory and keep me fighting, just as she had fought for so long.

COPD is an insidious disease — one day you feel fine, the next not. Sometimes Myra was full of life on the phone, and others not, but she was still the happy, glamorous, perfectly manicured lady, I had always adored. I just hoped and prayed she would be fine, putting the worst outcome to the back of my mind, until today. I will miss her with all my heart, and will put her last Christmas card up every year, next to Mums. Remembering her, and the zest she had for life, will be a gentle reminder of the funny, beautiful lady she was, and I was honoured to call her my friend.

We spent Saturday afternoon with an old school friend of Darrell's, having lunch in Mandurah, along the coast. Despite feeling down about Myra, I was glad of the company. Initially, I just wanted to be alone, but I am glad I went. In my heart I toasted Myra, her life and our friendship. Like me, she enjoyed a beer or two, so it felt apt, to be sat in a bar by the sea in Australia, thinking about her and the memories we shared. She was a truly remarkable lady, who always looked out for me and Darrell, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

Each loss of a friend hits me harder than the last. Myra's has been the hardest of all, but after everything she had been through in her life, I know she has gone to a much better place. As I have gotten older, I realise just how important people are to me now. I have made my family over the years, not in the traditional sense, but through choice, mutual love and respect, and of course out of fate. Fate has brought all of us together — a hodgepodge of diverse individuals who, under normal circumstances, wouldn't have ever met. Thankfully, we did, and I am able to write about Aunty Myra today.

My life became a little lonelier today, less rich, emptier, and a hell of a lot sadder. Rest in Peace, Aunty Myra — you touched my heart, which is why it hurts so badly. Without you, my life would have been all the poorer; your memory will live on, your laugher will continue to fill my home, and your kindness and courage will be a reminder of how brave you were, and how loved you will always be… Goodnight, Aunty My, sleep well!

… And finally — Thank you all for your Birthday messages. I no longer celebrate in the same way I used to. At 54 years old, I have become rather distant from significant milestones, that just add more years to one's life. With the death of Myra fresh in my mind, my Birthday serves as a reminder, to live my life in the best way I can…

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Rejecting Trumpian Politics!

4/5/2025

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Yesterday, my new home of Australia, rejected Trumpian politics in spectacular form. Our current Labor Prime Minister, Anthony Albanese, won a second term in office, after the people of this great nation rejected the politics of his rival, Peter Dutton, and consequently, the divisive right wing rhetoric of Donald Trump. The majority of us who live here, collectively, gave a rather large sigh of relief, as normal service resumed today.

The day before, things were very different in The UK. In local council, and Mayoral elections, right wing populist party, Reform, won a resounding victory, taking hundreds of seats from the Tories and current Labour Government. They also secured a hard fought by-election victory, in the once safe Labour constituency of Runcorn, and won its first mayoral contests, in the newly created combined authorities of Greater Lincolnshire and Hull, and East Yorkshire.

The contrast between Australia and the UK was stark, and left many expats like me, with links to both countries, confused and unable to comprehend just what was going on! Australia seemed to be following in the footsteps of Canada, with an unequivocal rejection of 'Trumpian' politics and the hate of the far right; Britain on the other hand was moving towards a right wing future, unlike anything it had seen before. Just what was happening, and why, isn't immediately clear, but I do have some thoughts on this amazing few weeks in world politics.

Australia is quite a liberal society as a rule. On the surface they are accepting and welcoming, and I do feel safe living here. It is rare for extreme political turmoil to exist down under; democracy flourishes with mutual respect and understanding from all sides. This is of course in complete contrast to The USA under Donald Trump. I don't think I can remember a time when I have felt more anxious about the state of the World, and this is a direct result of one man — no, not Putin, but Donald Trump.

President Trump has turned the World upside down and everything we took for granted has been swept away. The World is out on a limb, adrift, polarised and unable to move forwards with certainty, as normal politics is relegated to the sidelines. If you understand history, as I do, you can literally feel the seeds of hate being sowed, as the politics of division, conflict, and discord take centre stage.

Parties like Reform and its leader Nigel Farage, pray on people's insecurities, they exploit normally rational, good, forgiving people, into believing all the World's ills are as a direct result of immigration, diversity, 'wokeism' and inclusiveness. This is patently untrue and used as an excuse to introduce ever concerning policies that seek to create disunity and marginalisation. This isn't how it should be — human beings are caring, compassionate, and willing to accept those who have fallen on hard times; we do not reject people because of the colour of their skin, sexuality, or gender. We are being manipulated, gaslit and encouraged to spew hate and vitriol, rather than dealing with the real issues at hand.

Sitting here in Australia, I am cocooned from most of the hate emitted from America and Britain. I am lucky to live and work in an environment, that has encouraged me to be the person I am, and not hide my sexuality from other people. I enjoy equal opportunities in all aspects of my life, and I am not denied access to jobs and services, that have been removed in the new Trump America. Furthermore, I am personally shocked at the policies and Executive Orders coming out of The USA, and fear for the future of everyone who lives there.

Whether you are gay, straight, old, young or poor, your quality of life in America (unless, of course, you are rich), is under threat from a Government who doesn't care about your wellbeing and future. Not only that, but the rights you once took for granted are being eroded at break neck speed. I see this, normal educated people see this, yet the MAGA brigade doesn't. This is dangerous, and creating a political climate of uncertainty, anxiety, and fear — The US is heading towards a dystopian future, with most peoples heads stuck in the sand, unable or unwilling to do anything to stop the barbarity unfolding on America's streets.

In four years time, my old home of Britain could also be facing a similar future. The worst case scenario would see Reform winning in any future general election, and The UK as I know it, would no longer exist. The NHS, Department of Education and International Development, and Department of Social Security, would all be under threat. Nationalistic, right wing politics could become rooted in a society, that used to have compassion, empathy and an open heart to anyone in need. This is more likely to happen now, after the success of Reform, than at any other time in living memory.

British Prime Minister Keir Starmer needs to wake up and start to deal with the huge problems facing the UK. All the public see is a failing system, higher taxes, two tear justice and immigration that is out of control. This isn't necessarily the case, but it is a perception conjured up by the right in order to gain support. Sir Keir needs to reconnect with those who voted for him and deal with the systemic crumbling of a political system that appears to be out of touch with ordinary people. If they don't grapple with the 'rot' that has caused generations of despair across the country, they will be booted out when the election is called in four years time.

Today I feel happy to be in a country, where the electorate voted for common sense, continuity, stability, and inclusive politics, as the World falls apart around us. Australia is the success it is, because of its welcoming nature. 33% of the population of Western Australia are immigrants, and that is what makes this State, unique. The prosperity I enjoy today, is because of the opportunities I have been afforded here, and although I do moan about Australia at times, I wouldn't change my place within it, for anything. This progressive, nurturing, all-embracing, beautiful country is, quite possibly, the best place to live in the world right now, and I am damn well thankful for that!

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Trying to locate my Grandfathers Arctic Convoy records!

4/5/2025

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From a new life in spain, to an old life in britain, 'roaming brit' documents uncertain times!

A Tale of Four Countries!

Remembering Giles

Toxic People and Insomnia!

Goodbye Aunty My!

Rejecting Trumpian Politics!

Trying to locate my Grandfathers Arctic Convoy records!

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