Blog Archives

Death of Pope Francis - A lurch to the right?

26/4/2025

Currently, I am sat at home watching the funeral of Pope Francis, thousands of miles from Europe, and The Vatican City, where the late Pontiff is being laid to rest. This is a place Darrell and I have visited twice before; it is a city that left a lasting impression on me, and not for the reasons you may expect.

Darrell and I were staying in Rome for a few days, near to the Colosseum. Just being in this ancient capital was a dream come true. Around every Roman corner, along every cobbled street and colourful piazza, this is indeed a city I love with all my heart. Italy itself is the most glorious Country I have ever visited, so steeped in history. Each Italian city we have stayed in hasn't failed to impress, but by far the most majestic, was The Vatican itself.

We walked through a busy St Peter's square; the sun shone brightly, illuminating our way towards the awe-inspiring Basilica — the Church of St Peter. This was a pilgrimage in all but name, for an art lover like me. I wanted to see every inch of this ancient wonder — every statue, fresco, painting, and tomb. As I entered the building, I wasn't disappointed; everywhere I looked, took my breath away; this church was there to impress people like me, The house of the eternal Father, on this mortal, fallible Earth.

Darrell had walked on ahead, and I was left gingerly walking through the holiest place on the planet, when all of a sudden, I felt quite overcome — almost faint. I put my hand against a pillar, to steady my gaze. I was sweating profusely and experienced emotions, that I can't really describe. At this moment, a priest approached me and took my arm. I remember, he asked me if I was Italian, by uttering the word 'Italiano'. I shook my head and replied, 'Inglese'. He began speaking to me in broken English, assuring me, I would be OK, and helped me make my way outside.

I'm not really sure what happened that day, whether I had a panic attack, or a spiritual moment of enlightenment, but I did fall in love with The Vatican. After a breath of fresh air, I thanked the priest and after a few moments, made my way inside once more, where I finally caught up with Darrell. Together we continued our tour, and ended by rubbing the foot of St Peter, as thousands have done before, standing in wonderment at this magnificent building, just consuming the divine mysteries inside.

As I grow older, I may well discover the reasons behind my 'experience' in St Peter's Basilica, or I just may put it down to a rather hot day in Rome, taking its toll. Whatever happened, I am well aware of the significance of the church in my life, no matter how small, and more importantly, I respect any man who has dedicated his life in the service of others. The Pope will indeed be remembered for his humbleness, wisdom, and ability to connect with the young, but for me, he will be the one Pope who very nearly brought me to his door. Now that is an achievement in my book. My Grandfather converted to Catholicism on his deathbed, like so many before him; it is a reminder of just how much we all change as we get older and discover faith we never knew we had!

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30 Years Together - A lifetime of paperwork!

20/4/2025

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The countdown is on for our 30th Anniversary, a milestone by anyone's standards, let alone a couple of old gay men, who met in their early twenties in 1995. This year we will be travelling to Bangkok and Singapore, where we will spend two weeks visiting our favourite part of the World. For now, we are staying firmly in Australia. After I caught particularly nasty infections on the last two occasions we travelled abroad, we decided to leave it a year before travelling again, in the hope I am fully recovered.

This week's blog will be the first in a series, looking back at our thirty years together. We have certainly led a very different life to most of our peers, but I really wouldn't change that for the World. Darrell and I are not the high-flyers, that many of our friends and family are, but we have approached life in a very pragmatic way. We were always aware that the relationship we had would be difficult, so we understood, relatively early on, the limitations of success in our chosen fields. As a trained political expert, I never realised my dreams; nevertheless, both of us have built a happy, long-lasting partnership together, and at least now, we are finally making up for lost time!

In today's video log, I spoke about a subject, mundane to many, but life changing for us — paperwork! For the last three decades we have had to document our very existence to the authorities, of whichever country we were living in at the time. From The UK, Spain and Australia, we have had to keep every single receipt, bank statement and bill, indeed everything that was important, to prove we were in a committed relationship together. When we moved countries, we had to take an extra flight case full of paperwork, just to show we were still together. If I am honest, it has been a burden that completely changed the way we lived our life, and has left a lasting reminder on our daily routine — even now, 30 years later.

Today the World has changed — In Australia, Spain, and the UK, we have rights that we could have only dreamed of in 1995. Nevertheless, we have still had to document our relationship, only this time in a digital, rather than the usual paper centric way. Yes we still have to keep the significant, indispensable things, like old passports, mortgage forms and marriage and birth certificates, but we don't have to drag everything across the World with us, as we used too in the past.

You know what, I worked out the other day, that Darrell and I have moved over forty times during our life together, and every time, that large flight case of stuff came with us — until now. With the most important files with me in Australia, the remainder is with my Father, at his home in Britain. The day will come when it is transported over to our house in Australia, but until then, at least I know it's safe a sound.

When you meet the person you love, you never second guess how your life will pan out. You take each day at a time; you grow and experience things together, and you learn to accept that not everything will work out as you would have hoped. Despite the spontaneity of life, we have always had that nagging certainty, that wherever we went, we would always have to prove the enduring nature of our relationship together — that is very different to my friends and family.

The difficulties we experienced as a gay couple are still at the back of our minds, despite western societies moving on from the discrimination of the past. I am especially conscious, of the rolling back of equal rights for gay people, in countries like the United States and Russia. For that reason, our relationship remains the most important achievement in my life. We have remained together despite everything that was thrown our way. After thirty years together, we still keep the receipts, mainly out of habit, and I am still personally documenting our life, even if it is in the form of a blog. I think until the day I die, I will always record events in a way no one else does, and that is quite simply, because of the official road we tread — In reality, it has left an indelible mark on my psyche.

I will be writing more blogs, celebrating our life together over the coming months, and hope you will join me in keeping our memories alive. If you find yourself in the same position as us, starting out on this rather bumpy rollercoaster ride, my advice to you is: keep everything and never, ever, let the authorities get you down. When you finally win the battle, it will make all the fighting worth it, and that's all that matters. You won't remember the bad days, the difficult, challenging and traumatic ones, all you will think about the success you achieved, when the odds were against you, and the happiness you share, despite the anxiety you endured!

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Feeling Invisible as a gay man!

12/4/2025

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It's been a bit of a strange week for me, as I come to terms with that possible Glaucoma diagnosis. As you would expect, I have done a lot of research into the subject, and rather than make me feel more anxious, I am actually feeling rather philosophical about the whole thing. This isn't a condition I can change, so I just have to live with what may happen in the future. There is a lot they can do for me, should they need to, and I am as confident as I can be for the future.

On Monday, I burnt my hand, while making dinner. After cooking Carrot and Thyme soup on the stove, I began to ladle it into the blender. After blending up the ingredients, I noticed it was leaking from the bottom. Lifting the jug up from the unit, hot, molten carrot soup, poured over my hand and down my leg. Bloody hell, did I scream!

I ran into the shower, jumped in and stood there naked, keeping my hand under a cold shower, for what seemed like hours. Meanwhile, poor Darrell, cleaned up the mess and ran out to get some ice, telling me to put my hand into ice-cold water on his return. As I know now, that was a mistake and undoubtably caused more damage to my skin.

In the end, the pain was so bad, I went to urgent care here in Midland, where my wounds were dressed by a nurse. She explained that the ice would have caused more damage to already damaged skin, and not to do it in future — that's highly unlikely, since I will never be making soup again! It seems that by running from the kitchen to the shower, I left the hot liquid on my skin for far too long, once again causing more damage. On top of this, I have lost the feeling in my thumb, as a result of nerve damage. This may or may not come back, all dependent on how deep the burn was.

Nevertheless, it seems to be healing neatly and thankfully looks a hundred times better than it did. I am hoping it will be more or less healed in another few days — fingers crossed.

In my vlog today, I am discussing my feelings of loneliness and the difficulties I am experiencing as a gay man of a certain age. I am no longer the youngster I once was, and moving all over the World since my mid-forties has caused me to feel more and more invisible. Today in Australia, I have very few friends that I can talk to and confide in, relying heavily on friends back home in the UK.

Western Australia is a beautiful place, but the people tend to be rather insular and making a meaningful connection with anyone is hard. Currently, Darrell and I are on our own and have to rely on each other. When you receive difficult news from the Doctor, need a chat about issues you are experiencing on a daily basis, or just need a friend to have a drink with, you find yourself looking for the impossible; they just don't exist.

I have spoken to many people here about how I feel, and with such a high immigrant population in the west , the majority of them agreed — Australia is a really hard place to integrate.

Despite this fact, neither Darrell nor I will be returning to the UK anytime soon. We have built a good life here, have a beautiful home and are getting ahead in a way we could have only dreamed of in Britain. Feeling invisible does have its advantages too. You can live your life as you think fit, and you don't have to make time for anyone else. I know that may sound sad, but this is the first time we have been in charge of our own destiny. We are doing exactly what we want, travelling to amazing places, and want for nothing. There is of course the nagging feeling of loneliness, but it is a sacrifice we are willing to make to get ahead.

Nothing lasts forever, and I am sure our outlook may change in the future. For now, we are just happy to be in a good place and not at the mercy of a system that seeks to thwart your every endeavour. Yes, we do feel alone in this vast country at the edge of the World, but that's a cross we will have to bear and a sadness we will have to endure!

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Glaucoma?

6/4/2025

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I've been avoiding writing this blog today if I am honest — as someone with health anxiety, writing about a serious issue, that has now become an important part of my future, isn't something I want to be constantly reminded of. However, blogging is integral to my life, and it is necessary to document every aspect of it — good and bad.

Last Monday, I went for my biennial eye test; I could tell there had been changes in my sight and wanted to have them evaluated. I assumed I would just need an increased prescription and that would be that. Well, I was partly right! Yes, my eyes have changed, as one would expect after two years, but that wasn't the end of the story — something else was going on, something I had never heard of before.

Initially, the test progressed in the same way every other one had, and there were no real concerns. However, when my eye pressure (IOP) was taken, things took a rather worrisome turn. I had never really understood why air is blown onto the surface of the eye during the test, but my optician explained, it was to measure my eye pressure, in the same way blood pressure is taken on the arm.

I could tell something wasn't quite right because of her reaction; next she looked into my eye, to view my optic nerve. Once she pulled the apparatus away, she explained that there was a problem. IOP should be between 10 and 21 and mine was 23. This doesn't seem like a huge difference on the scale of things, but she emphasised it was significant, and I would have to undergo a 'field of vision test!'

Sat in a chair in a darkened room, I was told to focus on a yellow light. A series of green lights would flash, some more intense than others, and I would need to press a button to tell the operator when I saw the lights blinking, all the time focussing on the yellow light. This test was particularly taxing, and I was left rather tired by the end of it. I had to retake the test on my right eye twice, so they had a clear picture of what was going on with my peripheral vision.

Once the test was complete, I was taken to a room and told that I had high intraocular pressure. The optician said she couldn't see any damage to the Optic nerve currently, although there were abnormalities in my field of vision test. She explained I would have to be closely monitored, and if my pressures continued to rise, I would be referred to a specialist for treatment.

Understandably, I was shocked. This isn't something I can feel, so what exactly is high IOP. Well, it is a build up of fluid behind the eye, which presses on the optical nerve. The higher the pressure, the more damage potential there is. The optical nerve connects the eye to the brain, and any impairment will cause subsequent loss of sight. This isn't something that happens immediately, but over the course of years; left untreated, I will eventually go blind.

My optician asked me if any member of my immediate family had Glaucoma, and after a phone call with my Father that evening, it appears Mum did. This apparently increases my chance of getting Glaucoma tenfold, and could be the reason I am where I am today.

Understandably, I have been particularly depressed. My Optician has stressed, that if confirmed, I will not necessarily go blind. There are many treatments available — laser, eye drops and surgery, all employed to slow down and hopefully prevent blindness. Nevertheless, she didn't downplay what was happening, and said this condition is chronic, and I would have to undergo treatment for the rest of my life.

This is certainly a week I would rather forget and has left me feeling particularly down in the dumps; I never dreamt in a million years this would happen to me. At least they have discovered it now, hopefully early enough, to treat the symptoms of this debilitating condition, but that doesn't mitigate how serious this disease is. I am still debating whether to get a second opinion, but for now, I have been told I will be retested in six months, to check my pressures haven't risen further. This is not going to be the easiest six months of my life, but one I am just going to have to deal with, like everything else thrown my way!

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From a new life in spain, to an old life in britain, 'roaming brit' documents uncertain times!

Death of Pope Francis - A lurch to the right?

30 Years Together - A lifetime of paperwork!

Feeling Invisible as a gay man!

Glaucoma?

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